Episode Notes:

What are Love Languages?

• A lot of women feel like their husbands do not show them love.
  • While they have plenty of beautiful things to say about their husband, they do not feel loved by him.
• Oftentimes, we discover it is usually because the way husbands think they are expressing love is not the way their wives want to have love expressed to them.

How Love Languages Work in a Marriage

• The concept of the love languages comes from Gary Chapman.   He designed the five love languages to describe different ways we express and feel love.
• Since we often feel love a certain way, we can assume that our spouse also feels love in the same way, but very often, it is very different.
• When we express our love one way, but our spouse needs something different, we are like ships that pass in the night.

The Five Love Languages

• Acts of Service
  • If this is your love language, you value the times your spouse goes out of his or her way to make your life easier.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
• Receiving Gifts
  • You enjoy being gifted with something that is both physical and meaningful.
• Words of Affirmation
  • The spouse enjoys receiving words of affirmation, verbal acknowledgements or affection, and compliments and words of appreciation and encouragement.
• Physical Affection
  • The love language of physical affection includes kissing, holding hands, cuddling, affectionate touch, and physical intimacy.  Physical affection manifests itself in many different ways.
• Quality Time
  • This love language is all about giving your undivided attention to your spouse, without distraction.

The Danger of Identifying your Love Language

• Just because you like to receive love in a particular way, does not mean your spouse likes to receive love in that same way.
• The danger in identifying your love language and communicating it to your spouse is that it creates the expectation that he or she will fall in line and do those things immediately.

Let Him Know Your Love Language

• Your spouse cannot read your mind, and oftentimes we fall into the trap of thinking he or she would know you and know what you need.
• If you love him, help him know you.
  • You should let your husband know what you like and need, but do not make it a demand.

How Can We Love our Spouse?

• We have to be curious and empathetic with our husband.  Do not assume that you know your husband’s love language.  Ask him.
• What do you love?  What do you need?  How can I show you I love you?

When Our Spouse Isn’t Hearing Us

• What happens when our spouse isn’t hearing our communication of love?
• “People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.  Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love.” – Gary Chapman
• You need to communicate to your husband what you need, when you have his undivided attention, in a neutral way at a neutral time.
  • Be careful, however, that you do not make demands of your husband because you will almost always be disappointed.
• He may or may not comply.  It does not mean that he does not love you if he does not comply.
  • This is where the love languages can get dangerous – when you have expectations.

Look for the Ways Your Husband Shows Love

• When we make demands of our spouse, we put blinders on to any other way our spouse may show his thoughtfulness, kindness, generosity, patience, and love.
• Many men feel the way they show love to their wife is by getting up every day and going to a job they may or may not like.
• The concept of love languages can be the most dangerous when we are so tied to our love language of choice that we completely miss our spouse showing us his love in a variety of other ways.

Final Thoughts

• Have a conversation with your spouse and make requests without expectations.
• Ask your husband what he needs to feel your love and look for other ways that you may be missing that he is showing his love for you.