Have You Thought About What You Want?

You don’t have to make sure you all have matchee-matchee holiday pajamas.

You don’t actually even have to go to Church or acknowledge the birth of Jesus in any way.

You could completely ignore the whole thing.

Choosing from Love – Not Obligation

Those of you who have gotten to know me know that I’m a practicing Catholic and actually, we’re ‘required’ to go to mas on Christmas.

But if I go to mass on Christmas or any other day because I’m required, because it’s the rule, that’s a lame reason.  It checks the box, but it doesn’t have love in it.

In order for us to make free decisions, we have to strip all the “I have tos” away.

Then you can choose from a clean place of choosing rather than being obligated – that’s the place of love.

Love your why.

That doesn’t mean that it will be easy or completely joyful, but it is what you want to do, and you know and love your why.

Becoming Intentional

Becoming intentional in our life means that we think about what we do, why we want to do it, and make the decision to follow through – not simply do what is expected of us without our assent which can often cause us to build resentments.

We feel trapped or forced or without any ability to decide based on what we want our life to look like.

That could include doing something we don’t really want to do but find a reason as to why we decide to do it – from a positive, generous place.

Actions are Fueled by Emotions

Our actions are always fueled by our emotions – you can do all the correct things on the outside, but if they’re driven by feelings of anger or resentment, you won’t enjoy them, you won’t add anything to the quality of your life, and even sadder than that, the people around you will know you’re just going through the motions – the actions aren’t really worth much. 

They’re just checking the boxes.

When you prepare for family celebrations, does it come from a place of genuine generosity or is it from a place of resignation and resentment?

       Are you always the one who plans and makes sure everything is taken care of – all the dishes and set up and clean up – because you want to or because you think you have to?

What is the outcome you want?

•        I want to celebrate the holidays with my family sharing our friendship and deep connection via our faith and family culture.

Why do you want to achieve it? 

• Because the holidays are vapid to me without being informed by my faith.

If you achieve it, what will it mean to you?

• Peace, joy, and a sense of nurturing this large and growing family.

How do you feel when you imagine realizing this outcome?

• thankful

What will be the same when you realize this outcome? 

(In what ways are you already or have you already lived to create this outcome?) 

• Mostly everything – We’ll go to mass on the holidays thanking God for all the blessings He has given to us.  We’ll gather together as our large family – all 28 of us. We’ll do our usual traditions that we’ve created that serve our growing family well.

What will be different when you realize this outcome?

• I will ask more people to help with the actual get-togethers rather than taking on everything myself.

How will you need to change to become the person who has realized this outcome? 

• I will need to let go of being the people pleaser – of worrying all the time if I’m doing enough and being enough.

       Obstacle

       Strategy

To Do List – Here is your writing homework

Take your time – spend 10-15 minutes on this.

Make a list of everything you want to do in the next month and ½.

EVERYTHING – don’t edit, just write down everything you want to do for yourself and for your family

Now prioritize

Make a list of your 5 top priorities for the next month and ½.

What are they?

       They could include sleep 1 hrs a night, or host a cookie exchange party.

       It is about what you want to prioritize not what you feel obligated to do.

Why did you put them in this order?  Why is your #1 priority so important to you?

Knowing you why is critical to achieving your result

How will you feel? 

       Knowing how you will feel will be the fuel to your actions.

Are you currently planning your next 1 ½ month to live with these priorities? 

Does anything need to change in order to align your priorities better?

What can you eliminate from your to do list because it doesn’t align with your priorities?  Cross those items off the list and let them go.

What are the most important to dos and why?

Now, go back to your desired outcome. 

What do you want the holidays to look like?

Write out your prioritized steps to achieve the outcome you desire.

What DO you want for the holidays?

You can decide – you don’t need to do what you’ve always done because you’ve always done it – especially if it doesn’t serve the outcome you most desire.

Be intentional and find joy in everything you do.