Notes from this Episode

Background

• A lot of women now struggle with this thing called “mom guilt” and saying “no”.

A Healthy Guilt

• Guilt is defined as “the state of one who has committed an offense, especially consciously; feelings of deserving blame, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy, self-reproach; a feeling of deserving blame for offenses”.
• We should have a healthy guilt in the sense of acknowledging our faults and our failings and the guilt that wants to make things right with our Lord.  It is a little nagging of your conscience that says, “Yeah, that’s not right”.

An Unhealthy Mom Guilt

• An unhealthy guilt is the feeling of imagined offenses or deserving blame, or feeling like we have let people down, therefore we feel guilty.
• Mom guilt comes from an unrealistic ideal of the perfect mom and the notion that we can never do enough for our family.

Overcome Mom Guilt

• We have to realize that we are never doing enough, that we cannot possibly do enough, and we have to let that go.
• We cannot compare ourselves to others.
  • You must maintain a clear understanding of what your faults are and how you are going to rectify them.

What Should We Be Doing for Our Children?

• It is our job to teach our children to become independent, virtuous adults.
• We should give them a firm sense of connection and a home where they can flourish.
• We feed them, clothe them, educate them, and for many of us, we teach them about God and a life of faith.
• Finally, we love our children unconditionally while also teaching them how to be disciplined and self-disciplined.
• We will each find our own way of interacting, supporting, and encouraging our children, and if your way is different from another mom’s – great!  You are unique, and that is why God gave these children to you because He wanted them to experience your gifts and talents, not your worry and blame and guilt.

Your Thoughts and Mom Guilt

• When you feel guilt, ask yourself, “Why?”, what are you thinking that is causing you to feel guilt?
  • When you figure out what you are thinking, ask if it is reasonable to think that.
• Guilt is a feeling that has no happy outcome – it just makes you feel worse and worse.

The Power of Saying “No”

• Often we say yes to so many requests and situations or to our emotions, and these often have nothing to do with our goals for our marriage, family, and self-care.
• When you say no to something that does not align with the life you want, that is powerful, and that is taking care of you and your family.

Where Can You Say “No”?

• Say no to the things that do not align with what you and your family needs because it is so important for your peace of mind.
  • Say no to scrolling, excessive eating or drinking or spending.
• Say no to your children – it can be one of the kindest things you can do for them.
  • You teach them they cannot always have what they want, you teach them restraint and modesty in speech and action, in the way they dress, in the way they perceive the world.
  • Maybe we need to say no to our children’s whims in order to say yes to our husband’s needs.

Final Thoughts

• When we say no, we say yes to something else.
  • This might include time with our family, time with our husband, downtime for ourselves, for prayer or self-improvement.
• It is not on you to make everyone happy.
• When you are saying yes to everyone and everything, you do say no to the most precious gifts you have been given – your husband, your children, and your call to love them.
• Be a thoughtful person, make decisions deliberately, and do not allow guilt to ever take root.