Notes from this Episode:

Background

• If you are a grandparent, hopefully this episode will help, and if you are dealing with your mother or mother-in-law, maybe this episode will give you a little perspective.

The Gift of Connection

• Whether you are mom, a grandma, or somewhere in between, just know that children do not need much.
  • They do not need vacations or expensive toys, or the latest and greatest tech.
  • They do not need all of these things unless we condition them to believe they do by giving in to the peer pressure that we feel and that they feel.
• Your grandchildren just need connection with you.
  • They want you to be the person that will listen to them, that might cry with them, and that will certainly rejoice with them.
• Your grandchildren need eye contact and slow-down time with you, just being together.  They just want to experience life with you.
• Let your hair down, be yourself, be engaged, and interact with them instead of buying them a gift for their birthday or Christmas.

The Challenge of Distance

• If you live far away from your children’s grandparents, and you worry that your children will not have the experiences and memories of them, do not worry.
• Talk about the grandparents a lot, FaceTime them, and be purposeful about your visits.

Expectations

• Moms – let go of the expectations that you may have for either your parents or your husband’s parents as grandparents.
  • Grandparents do not automatically know how to be grandparents – it is an on-the-job learning curve.
  • If you need something, ask, but do not demand.  And do not make your mother or mother-in-law’s actions mean anything in particular.
  • Let the grandmas be themselves as they try to form bonds with your children, as long as serious boundaries are not crossed.Let the grandmas be themselves as they try to form bonds with your children, as long as serious boundaries are not crossed.
• Grandmas – if you want to do something, ask, but do not assume that your presence is wanted or needed.
  • Your daughter or daughter-in-law’s babies are not your babies.
  • Your children or in-laws have the right and the privilege to parent their children and to expect others to parent them in the same way.
• Boundaries do not have to be harsh.  They are requests from the place of who you are.

Final Thoughts

• Have your result in mind – what kind of relationship do you want to have with your grandchildren or what kind of relationship do you want your children to have with their grandparents?
  • Think clearly about the actions you will need to take to accomplish that outcome.
• Having a close-knit family does not happen by accident.  It happens through physical, emotional, and spiritual connection.
• Enjoy and connect and create those beautiful memories that your grandchildren will recall when they are fifty and sixty years old.