Episode Notes:

Background

• When we got married, we probably never thought we had quick tempers or were impatient. But as soon as we started having children, we may have found ourselves getting angry at the smallest, dumbest things.
• We usually feel shame and guilt at our outbursts. The outbursts only add to the evidence that we are impatient, which in turn, makes us angrier.
• When we look at what triggers us to have an angry eruption, the incident is rarely worthy of such an emotional response.  These eruptions are usually just the tip of the iceberg. We need to determine what the real source of the problem is.

How Unprocessed Emotions Can Make Us Angry

• Take some time and write down what kind of mom you want to be.  Have you ever thought about it?
• Are we juggling multiple stressors in our lives but not processing the emotions around them?
• These triggers have nothing to do with our children or what they did. But their actions pull up feelings that we have not processed such as: being disrespected, frustrated, unloved, ignored, or irrelevant.

Unmet Expectations Make Us Angry

• Most of our children’s behavior is because of our own parenting flaws.
• We indulge our children and then wonder why they have a meltdown when we say no.
  • We try to make them happy all the time, doing whatever it takes to avoid their meltdown, and then when we do not make them happy, they lose it and then we lose it.
• We allow disrespect or are inconsistent with our expectations.
  • This comes from not having a clear family culture and clear idea of the type of adults we want to raise.
• Remember, it takes a lifetime to instill virtues, habits, and routines in your children – aren’t we still learning patience and the other virtues?
• We have to set clear age-appropriate expectations for our children, but then have empathy and compassion when they cannot meet them as well as holding them accountable when they choose not to meet them.

Expectations for Your Motherhood

• What did you imagine your motherhood to look like?  Did you expect it to be so physically and mentally demanding?
• We have to realize that we find our fulfillment in what we are doing, rather than wait for the feeling.
  • We create fulfillment in our motherhood when we realize it is a vocation, a calling from God.
• If we do not have a really strong why, it is very hard to control our actions.

How Does Anger Affect Our Children?

• Besides teaching our children to be angry, children who are consistently yelled at are more likely to have behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, stress, and other emotional issues – all while taking their anger out on others.
• Over time, this feeling of anger and stress can potentially impact our children’s feelings of safety, coping skills, and the way they interact in future relationships.
• Watching outbursts of anger or rage from either parent may model undesirable behaviors for our children on how to manage difficult emotions.
• When we yell, all our children hear is yelling.  They do not hear what we are actually saying.  The emotion sis so big and frightening that they cannot even hear what we are saying.

What Kind of Mom do you Want to Be?

• Take some time and write down what kind of mom you want to be.  Have you ever thought about it?
  • Determine what is working and what is not working in your motherhood.

Hierarchy of Needs

• Are your needs being met?  Because this is the biggest reason that we have angry outbursts.
  • How many of us disregard our basic needs to take care of our children?
  • Get yourself feeling like a human, dressed like a woman.  It contributes to fulfilling your physiological needs.
  • If we are not paying attention to our basic needs, we cannot work our way up to be the woman who fulfills other people’s needs.
• Are we meeting our psychological needs of love and belonging?
  • Do we have friendships and close family ties?
  • Are we intimate with our husbands on many levels?
  • Is our self-esteem being nurtured and paid attention to?
• We do not give in to angry outbursts when our self-fulfillment needs are being met: achieving our full potential creatively, feeling accepted, and experiencing purpose and meaning.
• It can be a battle to put our needs front and center. Iff we do not, we have nothing to give.

Final Thoughts

• How do we stop being that angry, screaming mom? We need to be self-aware and make firm resolutions to make sure our needs are being met.
  • Talk with your husband and make simple requests for your needs.
  • Create the environment that you need for all to thrive. We need sleep, consistency in routines, orderliness, simplicity, and a life of prayer.
• Learn to notice when that rage wants to rise up through your chest and tell yourself to stop, wait, breathe.
• Remember, your children are also Children of God. You have been called by God for your children, to form and teach them how to live with virtue and to know, love, and serve the God who made them.