Episode Notes: 39 Years and Counting!

Background

• Michael and I were guests on an episode of the podcast After Cana.
• After Cana brings older married couples on as guests to offer advice and encouragement to young married couples.  It shares lessons and experiences to help young couples feel like they are not along and to provide some good mentors.

Respect in Marriage

• It is very important to always watch your tone in the way you speak to each other.
• Speaking disrespectfully is like water running over a rock – it can really wear down a relationship.
• If you spouse indicates that you are speaking with a disrespectful tone, be open to the critique.  You may not have meant to speak with that tone, but it is still something to consider.
• It is also important to remember that men and women are different and have different communication styles, so always be aware and respectful of your spouse’s preference for solving problems.

Complementarity and Differences in Personalities

• Learn to consider each other’s perspectives and learn to have empathy for each other.
  • Try to be curious about the why of a particular reaction or response.
    • Why is he responding this way?
    • What did I say that made him think that?
    • Why am I taking what he said so seriously and so personally?
• Remember that “the two become one” does not happen overnight.  It takes years and years to become one.
  • Eventually you will each know each other’s strengths and weaknesses enough to learn how to complement each other and lift each other up.
• Rather than turning inward and being who you are and saying, “This is just me”, seek to find what your spouse needs from you so that you can complement and balance each other when you need to.

Relationship Changes after Children

• Pour yourselves into your children – together, but always seek to be attentive to one another and help lift the burdens.
• Serve one another, even if it is not the same type of service you provided before the children arrived.
• Work as a team in raising your children.  Make decisions as a team, and when there are disagreements, talk it out and present yourselves as a united front to your children.

Growth in Marriage

• Growth is hard, it hurts, and it is inevitable, but if your marriage is not growing, it is dying. You have to tend to it and expect change.
• We should always be striving for our own improvement, our own growth in virtue, self-sacrificing, and self-giving.

Faith in Marriage

• It is imperative to have a deep and active prayer life.
• God is not the ornament on the tree – He is the actual tree.
• Breathe your faith into your family life and your marriage.  It is essential to overcome the difficult times and to keep perspective on what your end goal is.

Romance in Marriage

• Intimacy takes many forms in a marriage. It isn’t always about intimacy in the bedroom.
• You need to be really attentive to sharing intimacy throughout the day.
  • Take time to connect and look into each other’s eyes, talk, and listen – turn off the phones!
  • Make little contacts during the day – texts, phone calls, etc.
• Show your spouse how appreciative you are for all the things he or she does throughout the day.