Episode Notes on Detachment

Background

• Detachment is absolutely critical to live a happy life.

The Power of Attachments

• When you are attached to something (opinions, expectations, relationships, goals, etc.) you create an emotional investment in that thing.
• Having an emotional attachment to a thing gives away emotional control to circumstances that either align or misalign with the attachment, which in turn creates stress and anger.

The Secret to Freeing Yourself from Negative Feelings

• Detachment is a very useful habit in life that frees you from almost all the negative feelings that weigh you down.
• It is the ability to separate oneself from the importance of something (opinions, expectations, relationships, goals, etc.) and not allowing it to dictate your happiness.

Opinions and Emotions

• When we are emotionally attached to opinions and those opinions are not acknowledged or agreed with, we tend to get angry and upset.
  • Your opinions cannot be so important that they cause you to be angry and upset.
• We also need to detach from the opinions others have of us, otherwise we may become people pleasers and do things we do not want to do.

Goals and Expectations

• If you find your goals or expectations are not coming to fruition, you need to adjust, shift, and decide if the goal or expectation is important enough to keep working for or if it is not important enough to worry about.

Letting Go of Beliefs and Stories That Don’t Make You Happy

• Let go of stories, beliefs, and your past mistakes and do not allow your attachment to them to make you unhappy.
• Some people have to detach from their past and not let it define them.

Detachment in Your Marriage

• Is your marriage going the way you thought it would go, and if not, why?  What can you do to change the course of your marriage?
• Check your expectations of your husband and of marriage in general.
  • Can you accept your husband for the way he is?  Can you allow small transgressions and give him the benefit of the doubt?
• Let go of the small ways in which you are attached and begin to find the joy of accepting your husband for who he is and allow him to accept you for who you are.

Detachment with our Children

• Are you attached to the way your children behave or how smart they are or the sports they should or should not be playing?
• Detach from what gifts and talents you think your children should have or want to have.
• Detach from how many friends you think your children should have or from your desire for them to be popular.
• Love your children and lovingly challenge them to be the best child of God they can be.
  • When you let go of the attachment to your expectations for your children, you can really begin to appreciate them for who they are – faults, gifts, and all.

Let Go and Let God Take Care

• It is very important to spiritually detach from what you want from God.  God’s Will is not you informing Him of what His Will should be.
• Be in relationship with God because you love Him, not because of what you think He can do for you. 
• You need to be detached from how you want to control things and just trust Him and His Will for you.
• Spiritual detachment is a process that frees us from whatever interferes with our spiritual growth.

Growth Requires Discomfort

• Whether it is the expectations of how you think life should go or the way your children should turn out or your marriage, you need to let go of it all in order to grow spiritually.
• Growth rarely occurs unless there is contradiction and discomfort.  Once you are okay with that, you begin the process of detachment.

Final Thoughts

• Detachment helps avoid disordered inclinations and relationships with person or things.
• Detachment can also help avoid negative memories and thoughts that keep you from God’s love.
• Jesus calls each of us to spiritual detachment by asking us to take up our crosses and follow him.  In other words, let go of all worldly attachments and follow him.
• Accept what is real without holding on to the wants and desires that only serve to make you unhappy, and find joy in the here and now.