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Notes From This Episode:
Background
- Making this one change saved my marriage: I stopped making everything my husband did or didn’t do mean something negative.
- I stopped creating stories about his actions or inaction. I stopped making his actions or inaction mean he doesn’t respect me or he doesn’t really love me.
- I just let his actions be his actions.
Change Your Thought
- You always have the option to decide what you make your husband’s actions mean.
- Our brain always offers us the negative first, and if you are looking for evidence as to why he doesn’t love your or respect you, you will find it.
- We can always find evidence to prove something true if we really want it to be true.
- Instead, learn to question your belief. Remember, just because you think it, does not mean it is true.
Empathetic Curiosity
- Empathy = sharing in another person’s experience, trying to understand from their point of view, from their lived experiences
- Curiosity = the desire to know
- So when we approach any and every difference of opinion or a particular circumstance of someone’s actions, especially our husband, do so with an empathetic curiosity.
- This approach removes the judgment and we seek understanding.
Marriage is Not a Competition
- Marriage is not a win-loss game or power trip.
- Marriage is really about the two becoming one, which means you understand each other more and align yourselves with one another more.
- If you are not doing that, if everything is a battle and everything is a power play, you are not really living your marriage in a way that God intended.
- Give your husband the benefit of the doubt and have empathy and curiosity for your husband and father of your children.
Final Thoughts
- The one change I made that saved my marriage was to embrace empathetic curiosity rather than easily and lazily giving in to the negative.
- Don’t forget, he loves you and watch how differently you show up, and when you show up differently, look at how it takes away the resentments, annoyances, and the stress that chip away at marriage.
- Make this one change this week, and stop making everything he does or doesn’t do mean something negative about you.